‘Project Runway’ Season 8 Premiere

It’s less than a minute into the new season and already people are on my nerves. Welcome to Season 8 of Project Runway!

This season, Bravo — I mean Lifetime — has extended the show to 90 minutes, the better to do away with the horridness that was their post “Runway” vapid “I-think-I’m-cute-maybe-I’m-too-cute!” model show. Now PR is followed by something involving the fabulousness of Santino and Austin Scarlett, previous PR shoulda winners.

Note: Because of the length of the show and the ridiculous amount of commercials, I highly suggest watching via DVR or TiVo. Or this recap, actually. Save yourselves!

The new contestants are completely full of themselves before the season hath begun. A man with the worst facial hair/haircut mix ever wants to be called Casanova. He wears a tiny, tiny, yellow tie. So. Wrong. Contestant Ivy says it’s really the “Ivy Show.” Also wrong. Other contestants include a dude that looks an amazing amount like former winner Daniel V; another who wears a bowler hat and wishes for the best; some 50-year-old who designs for “ladies who lunch;” and 12 others. All of them have some back story, but who cares because really, we’re not going to know any of their names for another six weeks.

Tim, however, is thrilled to see all 17 of them! And Heidi looks fabulous, as always. The contestants’ first challenge is to pull out one item from their suitcase and incorporate it into their first garment. But they have to pass their item to the person on their right! Heidi says more than one person might be bye-bye, but we know she’s lying. We don’t fall for that faux “auf” anymore.

Tiny-tie Casanova guy is freaking because he gave up his thousand-dollar pants. If he can afford those pants, he should not be on the show. In addition to sewing machines, they also get computers. And Mood has its own annex so we don’t have to see them running around anymore. Yay!

Tim makes the rounds. He likes Nicholas’ sportwear transformation. He doesn’t like Casanova’s outfit, as it crosses the line from sexy into vulgar. He doesn’t know how April will finish her whatever that is. Gretchen turned a cape into something else. Peach is freaking out over knitwear because it’s unraveling and tearing like tissue paper. Jason is freaking out because his busty braless model is uh, busty and braless. He doesn’t know what to do with her!

Mikey Kors, Ms. Nina and actress Selma Blair are judging. The runway show has some weird camera angle closeup action going on. But! They actually let you see the clothes this time, which is very exciting. Everyone agrees Gretchen is the winner, creating a sleek black evening dress from a sparkley cape. Mikey says he can see it on a million girls. Selma likey.

They hated many. Apparently it’s not Ivy’s show in a good way. Mikey says the shirt looks like a paper shredder and she didn’t transform the ugly pants (she turned pants into capris and ruched the sides.) They hated Jason’s former kimono turned backwards. Selma says it hangs in a drab way. Heidi, who is in fine form already, says it looks like her hairdresser’s cape.

They hated April’s men’s blazer turned shredded, raw, unfinished dress. Heidi says it’s a hot mess. Nina says it’s 80s street walker. They hated McKell’s button-down shirt turned pouffy dress. Nina and Mikey says its styled badly and side cleavage is bad. Heidi says it’s butt ugly. They hated Nicholas’ sportwear/evening dress because it’s a snooze.

And they really hated Casonova’s pole dancer in Dubai. It crosses the line and has no taste level. Nina speaks to him in Spanish. We’re all impressed. He says he should stay on the show so he can be out of the box, but conservatively.

Ultimately they are most repulsed by McKell, who has really cool hair but wanted to be home with her nine-month old anyway. Heidi tries to play like both Ivy and Casanova are going, but no, they’re staying. We KNEW she was lying about more than one person going home.

Next week: They have to design something but there’s a twist! Shocking.